Let see....Two days....500 male cats....that's 1000 testicles of Tampa's Finest!

Today begins the preparations for this weekend's Two-Day 500-Male-Cats
Neuter-Thon.

At least, today it begins for me.

I will be spending the majority of my afternoon helping the staff at ACT draw up 500 rabies and FeLV vaccines for use this weekend. And tomorrow I will be spending my afternoon drawing up 250 distemper vaccines.

It will be a miracle if I come through this without making a trip to the emergency room with a finger the size of Texas.

Saturday is the BIG day. I have been given the dubious honor (if you knew her, you would know this is not an exaggeration in the least) of personally assisting JoAnne in her quest to rip the testicles out of as many male cats as physically possible.

(Sorry guys)

I'm hoping I can get permission to document this event in pictures, because if you've never seen a spay or neuter event then you really haven't seen anything. These things are organized so well, like well-oiled conveyor belts of primed and ready testicles just waiting to be squeezed.

(sorry again boys)

Pictures or not, I'm sure there will be stories to tell of shenanigans galore, so stay tuned.

And please don't forget to spay/neuter your pets. Seriously folks. Don't make me break out the statistics.

Le Love

Ah, Love.

♥ ♥ sigh ♥ ♥

In reverence to this Day of Days, I have decided to put together a list of the Top Ten Things That I Love. In no particular order.

1 ♥ Reading fiction ♥

Yes, I realize fiction is not real. Yes, I realize fiction encompasses a huge array of plots and protagonists and writing styles. Why do I love it so? The sheer amount of imagination required to write it is just awe inspiring. I love history novels (fiction based on fact) and thrillers (fiction based on all the crazyass bad things that happen in our world) and love stories (fiction based on...well, fiction I suppose) and funny stories (fiction that makes me LOL). All of it makes me feel...not so alone in the world with my crazy imagination and ability to see the world in a ludicrous, if not somewhat realistic, way.

2 ♥ Movies where abnormal animals (giant mosquitoes, nuclear pirhana, dinosaurs) eat abnormally stupid people ♥

Seriously. I can watch these movies over and over and over until the cows come home (or get mutated into giant man-eating cows that trample the city...). I think I've seen Jurassic Park at least a few hundred times in my life (and the sequels probably about the same number); Lake Placid, Rouge, The Mummy x3 (yes, I realize a mummy isn't quite an animal, but the basic plot is the same). But my favorites, the ones that started it all for me, are the cheap B movies created in the late seventies/early eighties. The titles were simple (Piranha, Grizzly, Alligator, Day of the Animals), the movie posters terrifying, and the movies themselves were scary in that they weren't too unbelievable (at least not to a scared little ten year old...).

3 ♥ Animals ♥

One of the reasons the animals in the above movies make such good scary movie antagonists is that animals are completely unpredictable. But this is why I love them so much! I can sit and watch my dogs play with the cat for hours, watch my dog work things out in her little head, see my parents' cat plotting his next assassination attempt on us. Animals are seen as simple creatures, far beneath us in the hierarchy, and yet there are so many things we have yet to learn about them. I think they teach us more about ourselves than we will ever learn on our own.

4 ♥ Nutella ♥

I was raised on this stuff. Who doesn't love a 'nutritious snack' that is basically a great excuse to each loads of chocolate? Sweet.

5 ♥ Knitting ♥

Of course. Duh. I don't really think anything more needs to be said here.

6 ♥ Food ♥

I love to eat. There is something soothing about biting into a nice juicy cheeseburger (sorry Amber) or scooping the last bit of Heath Bar Crunch ice cream out of the bowl. Eating is a great band aid to my sadness or loneliness; course it is the bane to my hips and thighs as well. I like to make myself wait when I'm craving something, because if I wait a few days and I still really want it then somehow it's justified. Like, for example, I've been planning my Valentine's meal for days now (I figure if I have to spend it alone it will be filled with whatever I damn well please) and the things that keep coming back to me are as follows: a Double Doozie made with fantastic sugar cookies, Bang Bang Shrimp from Bonefish Grill, a bottle of Koonunga Hill Cabernet Merlot, and maybe if there's room a package of Reece's Peanut Butter Cups. Or a couple of Cadbury Cream Eggs. Or both. (Don't Judge.) Mmmm.

7 ♥ Harry Potter ♥

I realize this falls under #1, but I think I love it enough to warrent it's own number. The books, the movies, all of it. There is something simply magical (haha) in the stories, I love the imagination and I marvel at the made up words describing things so naturally. Reminds me of my favorite poem when I was growing up, Jabberwocky. The language was so full of mystery.

8 ♥ People ♥

Aren't people fascinating? They can be funny, nice, mean, annoying, so many characteristics and combinations! And not just one type of annoying or funny, but a range; from slightly obnoxious to I-want-to-launch-myself-over-the-table-and-throttle-you-NOW. Can you imagine what our world would be like if we all looked the same:

And what if we all thought the same? Ack!

People are just plain amazing to me. And since being forced into close contact with people under the age of 12 (perhaps forced is a bit harsh...) I've been able to see just how unique we are from a very young age. Even as babies, there are cute babies, round babies, stupid babies, happy babies, ugly babies, babies who smile and babies who cry, babies who stare at everything around them and babies who sleep all the time (I'm guessing Ron fell into that category). People simply amaze me.

By the way, this is my favorite kind of people:

Just kidding. Sort of.

9 ♥ Gustav Klimt ♥

I've loved his paintings since I was born. Well, almost. But really really close.

10 ♥ Family ♥

My family is my rock, my support system, my everything. But please don't think they encompass only blood relations, au contraire. My family is everyone in my life who means more to me than...well, for one thing more than all other 9 things on this list. So to my family I say: Happy Valentine's Day!

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.

What A Day. Er, Weekend.

This weekend was quite busy, what with Gasparilla and police tickets and homeless men. Surprisingly, all three were independent events.

First, the parade. What a disappointment! Don't get me wrong, had a lot of fun hanging out with friends and having a few beers in the warmth of the winter sun. But I barely saw any of the parade! That's not for lack of trying; there are simply too many people crowded around barricades and too many parade floats have shrunk to a ten-foot level - way too low to see if you are farther than three deep in the crowd. This was my view:

It's like a game of Where's Waldo trying to find the actual parade.

I did learn that to get beads, you have to have a Wingman. Enter Talbot:

My really really really tall Wingman.

There were some other amusing things to keep our attention, however. For example, this guy:

He looks like he's just leaning over to pick something up. What gave him away was that it took him over two hours to pick up whatever it was.....

He sat on the curb for close to two hours, passed out, before the parade even began! Eventually he reclined to a lateral position, during which numerous passersby stopped to take a pic with him.

Ew.

I won't deny we took advantage as well...

[I will insert this pic just as soon as Kameron gets it uploaded :)]

Myself, passed-out-drunk-guy, Kameron, and Ruth.

Of course I almost peed my pants when Ruth started tossing beads at him in an effort to loop them around his head, sort of like a passed-out-drunk version of horseshoes. Very amusing.

What wasn't amusing were the Porta Potties and their lines:

Yes, all of these people are waiting hours in line for a chance to hover-pee over a hole filled with human excrement.

Eventually we tired of standing around with dirty, drunk people, so we took off for dinner at Bella's Italian. It only took us about an hour to travel 2 miles in the post-Gasparilla traffic. We were way too exhausted to complain, however, and dinner was quiet as we all stuffed ourselves in energy-depleted response to the miles we walked during the day.

[I will insert this pic just as soon as Kameron gets it uploaded :)]

Six tired revelers ready to go home and sleep. We are such losers.

Today I made the poor choice to leave the house and run some errands. I got into a left turn lane, stopped at the light, and looked down at my purse absentmindedly thinking about my things to do.

The light changed to green while I was lost in thought, and as I looked up it changed to yellow. I thought, oh geez I'm holding up traffic and went. And immediately pulled over for the officer's lights behind me.

Seems I broke the law. Running a red light, you ask? Potentially causing harm or danger to fellow drivers, you ask? Oh no, something much more sinister than that! Apparently I was dangerously obstructing traffic. Yes, by holding up the light so that Mr. Officer couldn't get through legally, I broke the law. To the tune of $151.00.

Good thing I wasn't on the phone, listening to the radio, drinking a beer, or playing with my Gasparilla beads.

I'm really at a loss for words as to this alleged crime. So enough about that.

On to this afternoon, which to be honest might have brought my Karma Points down even farther (since my criminal offense earlier in the day, that is).

I met JoAnne at my Happy Place (Starbucks) for a quick coffee and chat session. It's actually the first time we've gotten together since my banishment from The Rock, not for lack of trying. When I walked in I passed a rather haggard looking gentleman sitting at a table outside, obviously homeless and on the streets for some time, who was sitting cross legged and talking to himself about something quite important. As I walked inside I brought this gentleman to JoAnne's attention, and we spent the first ten minutes of our visit discussing the many and varied possibilities about his life and who he might be talking to/about.

[Please Note: I already mentioned our Karma Stock plummeting; it really doesn't get any better from here, so just stop reading if you're getting annoyed.]

Once his conversation with [Jesus/Gandhi/Casper] finished, he wandered inside to a table where he had left his three quite filled bags (one was pink with Dora the Explorer) and sleeping bag (which we knew came from one of the employees at the Bucks, they are so humanitarian!). He proceeded to peruse his newspaper, and by peruse I mean repeatedly flip through the sections apparently counting and/or cataloguing the contents. At one point he jumped from his chair and briskly moved to the nice squishy chair where he could continue his OCD tendencies (which, I might add, went as far as the bathroom...I think he went at least 4 times while we were 'observing' him).

On one of his bathroom trips he left his newspaper on his table; since JoAnne and I had just been discussing my need for employment she felt it was completely acceptable to 'borrow' his Classifieds. I, of course, told her we promptly be going to Hell; JoAnne said we were merely borrowing and therefore no Hell would be needed.

Well you can imagine this poor man's reaction upon returning from the bathroom to find his paper was not quite the same (oh yes, he immediately went back to cataloguing it!). I kept trying to warn JoAnne, I really could not imagine what terror this man would rain down upon us and the poor hapless customers around us should he realize we were the thieves instead of the voices in his head. After recounting two or three times, he ran over to the squishy chair and began shifting through the papers there, intent to find the stolen artifact. It was at this point that I insisted JoAnne return the section while his back was turned, as we were surely going to Hell for torturing a helpless crazyman now (it didn't help my fear when the trio of Tampa's finest showed up for their coffee & donuts cliche; how do I explain to my father that I got a ticket and got arrested for harassing the homeless all in the same day?).

Since she could see him now, the squishy chair being in her line of sight, she made the right choice hurriedly folding up the paper and running it over to his table. Just as she sat back down with me, he scurried back to his table and found the section in question sitting right on top of his paper pile. I really do wish I had a picture of his face right then, it was absolutely priceless. He was so confused, so disoriented; he immediately unfolded the section and began laying out the pages on the floor in front of him. Poor JoAnne of course could not see this, she had to make due with watching me try and maintain composure as I watched him reassemble his Classifieds all over the Starbucks floor.

Eventually he was able to reassemble the entire paper the way it was, only crumpling up the front page of the classifieds and throwing it away (we decided it smelled too good, like JoAnne). He then proceeded to take that paper with him everywhere - to the bathroom (twice), outside for a cigarette (still cataloguing and chatting with Jesus as he smoked), even as he passed the officers waiting on their coffee (where he bowed to the male officer, I swear it he bowed).

Eventually JoAnne and I decided it was time to take our leave of this amusing event, and while we were saying our goodbyes outside another homeless gentleman rode up on his bike. As if to seal our deal with Hell, we turned to each other and said at the same time: "Look! It's his friend!" The guy then proceeded to ask us for change for the bus and then rode off into the sunset. We were saddened for a moment that he didn't join the man in the Starbucks, until we remembered that our friend still had [Jesus/Gandhi/Casper] to keep him company.

And thus concludes my eventful weekend of fun. I'm beginning to wonder if the ticket was actually some sort of Precognition Karma...

25 Random Blah Blah Blahs.

So I totally got sucked into filling out this silly spam mail thing on Facebook, and never thought to post it here. But since I spent time on writing it, and it's got some amusing points, I figured copying it over here for those not attuned to Facebook would only be proper.

Enjoy! :)
_____________________________________________________________________
Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because you're cool. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Note:...if you don't understand, please don't try. you'll only wind up in a world of hurt surrounded by the shattered remains of your unanswered questions.

1. I hate all email forwards and silly bulletins like this one.
2. I'm addicted to living outside the states. I cannot wait for my next adventure, whatever that may be.
3. I find close-minded people sad and uninteresting. I really hate being around people who cannot find beauty in the world.
4. When I change the volume on the TV and the volume control gives me a number I have to put it at an even number or a multiple of 5.
5. I love to drive fast, although I have a healthy enough fear of what could happen to keep me from doing it most of the time. I would love to get on a racetrack someday.
6. I overthink most everything in my life. My imagination is such that I can pretty much visualize in great detail any potential outcome for a decision or event. This leads to an incredible amount of anxiety over pretty much every aspect of my life.
7. I love NYC. Whenver I go there, something inside me just screams with excitement and happiness. I don't know if I could ever live in the city, but my heart gets very sad if I can't visit at least once a year.
8. I am thirty years old, single, childless, jobless, schoolless, moneyless, etc.etc. And yet my life is very full because I have a wonderful family and friends in the world who love me.
9. When I was 8 I got to meet Shamu. Back then you could go down to the stage and actually meet him. When I was picked, I was standing beside him and the lady asked me to kiss his tongue. I politely said into the mike (in front of the entire stadium) "No thank you. Mouths are full of germs." I think I might have kissed his nose.
*Note: WTF were those people thinking asking an 8-year-old to stick her head in a Killer Whale's mouth for anyhow?!
10. I like writing. There are so many things that run through my head, especially when I'm alone in the quiet, it's nice to get it out for other people to deal with. I would love to write a book someday.
11. Sometimes I think my brain doesn't quite work right.
12. I have a huge passion for knitting. It is a craft that allows me to sit for hours and not be able to think (see #6). It is also a craft that allows me to take a simple ball of yarn and quickly turn it into something amazing.
13. I am addicted to blogs. Not just writing my own (see #10), but also reading other people's. I think blogs allow us to share with people that everyone has a little Basket Full O Crazy inside - makes me feel not quite so alone. Plus you get to see a little deeper into a person.
14. Stemming off #13, I read people very well. Usually it only takes me one meeting to know whether I will remain friends with someone, and whether they are someone I can trust. I have, on occasion, been fooled...but that is the risk in getting to know people!
15. I am foolishly and irrevocably romantic. Despite my misgivings and occasional comments to the contrary, I eventually want to settle down, kids, white fence, and all that crap. I just think I'm a little too selfish for that right now. And there's no rush.
16. When I sit down to dinner, I automatically put my napkin in my lap and line up my silverware according to height in straight lines. Occasionally throughout the meal I will straighten my place setting so that everything sits at right angles and looks balanced.
17. I used to be an interior designer. I loved the creativity of the field, hated the restrictions of the clients.
18. I love people: watching them, working with them, meeting them, finding out about them. Everyone is just so unique, and yet very much the same.
19. I love learning. I simply cannot get enough knowledge. Just seems sometimes my learning goes awry (see #11).
20. I have a million books. No, really, I just moved them all into storage. I swear it's like a million, maybe two. Saying I love to read is a general understatement. It's more of an addiction.
21. When I read paperbacks, I break the binding in equal sections. I like symmetry.
22. My entire freshman year in high school I wore nothing but 70's style clothing. I would call it a fad, but it wasn't. I just liked bell bottoms.
23. I love to sing in the car. I turn the music up as loud as I can take it and scream out the lyrics.
24. I am a classic only child. Enough said about that.
25. I used to eat paste. And I liked it.

OMG it's already February.

Laurie, who writes a blog I adore and read regularly (read: check about as frequently as I do Facebook, as in lots), had a great thought in a recent post that sort of explained my current situation pretty well. Since I'm all about other people doing my work for me (read: some people are just plain funnier than I am), I thought I would share:

The biggest dilemma I seem to have right now is finding a way to be completely at ease (if that's even possible) with uncertainty. So many things are uncertain and aside from knowing where the shoes and pans and silverware go (and aside from my neurotic love of vacuuming), not much else feels very stable or permanent or real. So it's as if I have arrived at this big crossroads -- no, not a crossroads, that's too poetic. This is one of those huge freeway intersections with multiple on-ramps and off-ramps and detours and some road construction thrown in, and it's poorly marked and oh, it's also rush hour -- and my choices are:
1) Become completely panicked and freak out. Then make some random decision that has no basis at all in reason or meaning but is a DECISION. The Decider!
2) Find some way to be at peace with the knowledge that I am not sure which route to take and have no idea how I managed to find myself at this intersection. And just keep moving toward whatever seems better and hope it all works out OK.
3) Pull over on the side of the road and pray for wine.

Crazy Aunt Purl Archives

I'm currently working on option 3 (one bottle down, lots in the wine cooler to go!), though I suppose for sanity's sake (mine as well as those poor souls I "drunk-IM") option 2 is what I should be striving towards. I'm not as much of a fan of option 1, since I'm quite done with the panic and freaking out stuff, and random is fun when you're out with friends but not-so-much when it relates to Life Decisions.

On a related note, I made my parents watch a movie with me tonight: Failure to Launch. I was amused to find them scamper off into parts unknown (AKA their bedroom) when they realized that the plot involves a 35-year-old still living at home with no intentions of moving out. Perhaps it was their bedtime, perhaps there was something more interesting on TV (as mom claimed, though I thought the movie far surpassed the British comedy they were watching on PBS)....but I caught a slight whiff of fear as they scampered off.

Well no fear, my family and friends. Despite my constant avoidance of reality, inclination to knit the majority of the day away, insomnia-causing late-rising mornings(er, afternoons), and lack of pretty much anything productive......I have NO intention to be 35 and still living at home.

Now, to just get that thing called motivation moving inside me....I mean really, which of you can honestly say that they are super excited to write a stupid personal statement for what seems like the gazillionth time?